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She's Still Around

Why, I ask myself? Why is she still around?!

Why do I still talk to her....

By the way, this probably isn't who you're thinking.

"The biggest slut of OFA" - Jessica Swift.

God, I just fucking love that girl.

There's been alot of fighting lately, end of the year is sooo incredibly stressful.

Might be a sophomore again next year, kind of upset about that, but I'm kinda excited.

My class is so loud and obnoxious, it's a shame to be a part of them(:

Stupid English portfolio is due Monday... so not excited about that, haven't worked on it much.

Dares tomorrow at lunch the whole period on Tiffani :D

Well, gotta go study... maybe?

At least get some homework done.

Bye Bye SkankFace (:

Lets be honest now, is it really possible to look sexy while eating ice cream? NO ITS NOT! -zacharoo(:

im always gonna have those days

I'm always gonna have those days,
Where I sit home and dwell on the past
I'm always gonna have those days,
Where I go out and ponder the future.
But I never seem to focus on the present anymore.
Things have been just so coplicated lately, and it's not that big of a deal to me but... why has my whole life been so complicated. Nothing has ever been easy, or even simple for that matter. I just wish for once, things would fall into place, I wouldn't have to go through change every month, I wouldn't have to dwell on the past, or onder my future. I wish that I could just live in the moment, things haven't been easy lately, but they haven't been hard either. I haven't faced something really difficult, but nothing has been easy for me. & It's always been this way, and I believe it will remain constant. I've always fell for players, I've always taken things out of hand. & Just this once, I think I'm gonna do something to better myself, but not only myself, my friends, my family, and everyone around me. I'm rebuilding myself, my courage, my strength, my will power, my soul, my morality, my tolerance, my life.

i have nothing negative to say besides...

stop messing with people relationships!
she does this, every year.
she needs to back offff, and stop talking to him.
shes ruining peoples lives, kay im kinda satisfied now.
no, im not.
im gonna keep ranting.
your a bitch, your a liar, your untrustworthy.
no one ever knows when your gonna throw in a twist and start manipulating again and again.
stop talking to him, and stop being the reason people get in arguments!
dammmmmn, okay so this is stupid to be even writing about so ill stop?
point be said; BACK UP.



ohhh, ntm has been great.
final week, all comes down to this.
im so anxious, and extremely nervous at the same time.
i hope i win, i pray to god i will.



now, lunch has been alotttta fun lately :D
timothy banana milk spoon committed suicide yesterday, how sad.
BUT! tOmothy banana milk spoon got married to tina banana milk spoon today!
story of my life guys, right there.

& START SAYING THIS EVERYDAY, PEACE IN THE MIDDLE EAST!

oh goodie guys!

Finally getting back to the old days,
you know, with devon, mayae, nikki, danielle and everyone
It's been a wild six months without them by my side,
& I'm glad to be getting them back.
Things between me and nikki are going...smooth?
I don't know, it's a complicated situation.

iloveyoubaby,<3

by the way, the whole i love you thingggg.

dont get too excited, because its me ;D

goodbye,

goodbye spring break,
goodbye escape from reality,
goodbye best vacation of my life,
goodbye progress i've made,
goodbye hope,
goodbye integrity,
goodbye tolerance,
goodbye morality,
goodbye common sense,
goodbye simple reasoning,
goodbye.

&theres only 1% keeping me going at this very moment.

its you,

Oh my god, what just happened...?

The past 24 hours have been simply insane.
I've come to realize so much in the past hour,
I mean, what did I do today? Hurt her more than she already is?
She doesnt deserve that, I guess I finally got a taste of my own medicine,
Now I'm hurt, I never realized what an asshole I have been my whole life until this very day.
This day will go down in history, the day I will truely change myself.
The day I will find myself, the real me. Not the asshole Zac, I don't wanna be that person anymore.
I'm done with that, and from now on there won't be confrontations and/or conflict between anyone and myself.
I don't know who I've been lately, & I must have been being such a fucking asshole to everyone.
I'm truely sorry for everything and anything I have caused anyone the past few months.
Her song has really touched my heart deep down, and I can feel the pain I've left her with.
I hate who I've been and I might hate who I will become, but I have to try to be better.
Tonight will be the night I could relapse, dive down back into the deep dark depths of manic depression.
Goodnight,

you were my everything and I really miss you.

The Storm Has Passed.

It's gone, miles from here.
Now effecting someone elses life,
Drowning them in depression,
I feel so sorry for whoever has to go through this.
I'm not gonna state any names here,
But I'm really worries, I hope she's okay and doesn't let this take control over her.
I hope she makes it through, my faith is in you, don't give up.
I love you, and I wouldn't ever wanna see something happen to you.

I don't,

I don't see why everyone can't just get along,
Why can't things be simple while we're still young,
We don't have to make everything as complicated as it's cut out to be,
Can't we just live in a peace, a world with no conflict.
That's where I want to be, no conflict.
This is the time to live your life, no relationships.
No depression,
No broken friendships,
No feeling but happy.

That's right where I want to be.

Long Time, No Post.

Things have been getting a lot better,
I'm feeling so much better this past week,
& maybe it's because a couple people have came back,
& maybe it's because I'm not in this house as often,
but myabe just for once, I'm happy with who I am.
& I won't change for anyone, ever, again.
I love who I am, and I promise you won't bring me down.
No stupid rumors floating around, no person, no tragic event,
nothing will bring me down.



& maybe this whole time I was looking,
maybe love was right in front of me....

dont take my love and put it on a shelf.

who knew suspenders were so great.
ahahahahha, today was greatttt.
just to set the record straight, i am NOT gay!
it'd be great if we could all get it straight.
haha, straight.
yeah, anyway, i made the day fun today. bye now(:

i believe we are not far from becoming who we truely are.

yupp yupp :)
im writing in this everyday from now on til i die.
no, that was a bit sarcastic. but ill try keeping updated.
but for what? nobody to read this? oh well, at least i can vent everything out.
okay, being bisexual is not a fucking disease, so lets get over it and accept it, kay? sounds great :)
yeah, im into guys, i give up on girls for a while.
i've always came out hurt in some sick and twisted way everytime i got involved.
so no more girls for a while, (:
devaney got me back into jonas, my new musical obsession.
and you all know how im judged and whatnot.
oh, what am i talking about, no one is going to read this, ever.
i feel so lost, so unplaced, i dont belong in this town and i cant wait to leave.
but back to the people judging thing,
if i wasnt the person i was, i would probably be gone by now.
but because i have became so strong, i can live day by day,
as much as i miss things, as much shit gets talked, as many rumors are spread, as many people judge me, i brush it off at the end of the day and say oh, it just sucks to be them because they dont even know me. their loss.
i believe everything happens for a reason, so maybe this period in time of breaking down will be a lesson well learned for me, lets hope so at least.
boy, you've got me goin' crazy.
koda is coming up this summmer, cant waiit
hes such a sweetie and i cant wait to hang out with him(:
although...this might be an asset.
cause i might be getting the fuck out of this dumbass town!
this summmer, moms planning on going south.
yes, far far oh so very very far away from here.
we're talkin' north carolina, wooooop!
it just hit me at lunch today that i would be extremely upset if i left,
i mean i care about alottta people here, but i gotta so whats best for me.
disney channel has been helping me alot, thanks you nick joe kevin and miley, lmao.
yeah, thats about it for now.
so peace stupid blog.

ahh screw it.

im not writing in this thing til i get back from ocean city during spring break,
so long for now sluts :)

FUCK!

Um, Seana has completely walked out of my liiife, like forever, I'm serious.
I'm kinda upset that she broke up with me because I wouldn't call her because I was working on graphics for Ocean Breeze?
Like that's just fucking stupid, but I guess I'm a liar, I guess I lied the whole time, I guess I fucked with her heart, I guess I was just a player, I guess someone told her something, and I guess I intend on finding out what the hell happened because as of right now I have no clue what just happened last night.

Blah Blah Blah

Same old boring town
Same old boring life
Same old boring routine
Same old boring friends
Same old boring enemies
Same old boring school
Same old boring family
Same old boring ; everything
I'm getting sick of it.
Bye now.

Are you bein' ferrizzle?!

wow
im quite mad!
so, last night
she sits there saying, "this kills but i have to say it, goodbye."
but theennnnnnnn....
today, she says she wants to be friends again
well that just sucks to be you now doesntt it
im not going back, im smarter than that
and i deserve better,
thats all for todayy.
laterrrrrrrrr.

Change?

I'm due for one.
& This change is going to be drastic, I can feel it.
It feels like my life going to make a complete turn around
and I will be as happy as can be and as for the past...
It never happened.

Lauren, Thank You

If you never put me through what you did last year
I don't even know what would be happening to me right now
It was probably the worst time of my life
But it taught me alot, and I thank you for that so much.
I move on so much faster, I get over things alot better.
I don't let shit get to me anymore, you've shaped me into my strong interior that I am today.
But, I have to stop writing now before I open my mouth about too much...

Readddddd.

Single again :D
Didn't go over very well though...
But I need to get my grades back up
I had to do what I to do, right?

This Is Important.

This is important that I don't let this take control over me.
I don't wanna go yet, I have so much more to live for,
I won't give up and I will be here to stay, talk the shit duecebags.
If you think I don't know every game in the book, try again.
Because I've played every one of them and I can guarantee I play better than you.

Update.

No update for today.
I went to Mayae's, hung out, went home.
Sat here, talked to Seana.
Nothing exciting at all.
Maybe tomorrow will be better.
I hope...

Well this is just a risk.

Alright, so I'm still thinking on this desicion,
And I'm pretty set straight forward on it,
Just people need to not be gay about it, iiight?
It would make my life SO much easier!
Anyway, so I was sitting in math today minding my own business and everything.
And all of a sudden Carl, yes, Carl with the glasses rat-tail and whatnot, has the fucking nerve to call ME ugly?!
Um, hell no, that's not goin' down I'm sorry there but you're the one that looks like a mother fucking gay ass dirtbag thank you.
Honestly, I almost punched him, and really, calling a CONCEITED person ugly, yeah it's not gonna work in your favor sorry duecebag.
And then I got home and told my Grandma, [aka "the man in your house", hahha, emma is the sheeeiiit] she goes, "Well I'm sure he feels bad about himself."
I'm like really?! He should, he's the uglest piece of shit I've ever seen besides Mr.PubeHair(:
So what, I've been talking alot lately, it's been a long time.
Annnnnyway, I'm finding myself in a more and more difficult situation as the more people I try bringing back.
I think my other friends feel threatened, pussies(:
They have no need/reason to even think that, idiots these days I tell ya.
Oh, and people need to NOT talk about Emily, especially, well you know who ;)
Fucking fat ass horse ferrrreal. She needs to shut the hell up and get over the fact that Emily is hotttter and she won't ever come clooose. Hahahahahahahaa, biiitch.
That's abouut it forrr today, peacccccce.

Here's how it's goin' doooown.

You have a problem with having other people back in my life?
Get the hell out because I'm not gonna go through this again.
End of storry, alright?
But ummm, today was rather smooth, until 6th period.
I got lectured about being "hurt" and "leaving" my new friends.
Oh shut the fuck up you needy douchebags, really.
If you really did care about me, you'd be supporting me not going against me.
Now peace bags of douche.

Another continuation on today

Well, I haven't really been this shy/nervous in such a long time.
I got over it, talked, opened up a little more than I probably should have.
Oh well, I'll deal with it, I don't think she'll stab me in the back, at least I hope.
Ummmm, let's seee.
My mother thinks I'm depressed, lmfao.
Whatever, she doesnt know shit about me.
Really though, I think someday my being so open will be the death of me.
I mean, look at what I told her today, am I really gonna start off trusting her that much?
Maybe I should make her earn my trust, maybe I should make everyone re-earn my trust.
My mistake, too bad. I trust people too easily, and that's kind of a good thing I guess.
But on the other hand I could easily be stabbed in the back.
But also, I can tell if you're fake and so therefore I really won't tell you much.
Today was fairly good actually, maybe I just needed my old friends back.
I think that's really all I've needed the past couple months.

Well then, I don't know?

I hate how I get shit for this
You know what, if you're really my friend, you would be supporting me.
I understand that you can use the past against me and everything tha happened
But that's just fucking stupid and immature, let go. If I learned to let go of my past, you need to too.
I'm not gonna put up with this again this year, I'm not gonna get to the point where you're gonna make me choose my friends or someone else ever again.
I won't get to that point, I refuse.
If you want me to stay in your life then you better find a way to keep me there orelse I'm gonna be gone, no, not out of this world.
Just away from a couple people's lives for quite some time.
So as for now, this is one desicion I'm gonna think over for a while, I'll do details later as always.

Continuing on...

Alright so this is the thing I don't want to hear ;
I don't wanna hear people giving me shit if me and Lauren start talking.
Really, if I do, clearly you're not a true friend because you would be supporting me or at least keeping your mouth shut.
So, this is how it's goin' down the next couple months...
I hear anything at all, such as your running your mouth, there will be a confrontation without a doubt.
I'm not gonna take it this winter, I won't take shit from anyone.
If you're one of my so called friends doing it, have fun with your life not having me in it.
Really though, I've changed, I know for a fact that it seems like I haven't because I'm not gonna take peoples shit.
I can control it, sometimes, but other times I just can't handle it and I freak out.
I really haven't been coping very well with stress and losing important people,
And I know I'm a strong person as I say every day of my life,
But like I said earlier, right now I'm breaking down and I don't know who to turn to if I need someone to lean on.
Last night, I got so much shit for just considering having her in my life again.
Everyone says I'm gonna get hurt again, but that's why I have feelings for her, right?
No, I don't, and I'm glad to say I'm over her and I don't think I will ever feel the same ever again.
I love how fucking stupid some of my friends can be, whatever, they're cool, NOT.
Gah, I'm getting sick of this shit, like really, I'm about done.
But as my good friend Tiffani told me today, "Zach, you've beaten this before"
And I believe I can do it again, if only I could just focus on the positive things, but in some situations, no matter how hard I try, I can't find the light in it.
Lately I have found myself in a shithole almost every night with no one to turn to but myself and really, I haven't been the strongest person recently.
I'm not proud of it, I always tell people to be strong, but how can I say that anymore if I can't even stay strong to my well being.
I'll solve this all tomorrow and fix what I did wrong last year.

I'm trying

I'm trying to stay strong
I'm trying to not let things take control over me
But lately I've just been breaking down
I mean, I guess it's kin of a good thing?
Maybe I'll learn more this way, but I'm sick of it.
Ya know, I look back on the reactions from my past, and really, I could've easily handled things so much better.
There's no reason I had to stop talking to those people, I chose to and it was a stupid desicion.
I'm trying to fix things, I'm just to nervous to talk to the person that caused me the most pain, I mean, we haven't talked in a year. Whatever, I'll post more later and get more into this whole thing.

Put the past away... yeah right.

Well, I'm trying to update this thing every day of my life. It helps get alot of my stress out. People might say to let the past go, well everyone knows I have, or at least you should. I mean, last winter, I was in a horrible situation. & I think we all know what that was so there's no need to explain. A couple months ago I couldn't have been happier with my life, but now I'm really starting to realize how much I miss the people that I have let walk out on me over the past year. Yeah, I admit I wasn't the best a friend could be at times, but at least I was honest. And really, I guess I just have to work up the courage to handle this and try fixing things with these people, I miss the way things used to be, and I accept that just the way it is, but I miss them so much, I have to fix my mistakes, and I'll do this all on my own, I don't need support. And I believe that I can do this on my own, I can live te rest of my life on my own without needing anyone to lean on. I might breakdown every once in a while and think that I've got it rough, but then I look at it from a different perspective and I know that I don't so bad as others do. But really, breaking down every once in a while is just making me a stronger person than I already am, I'm proud of the person I'm becoming because I'm changing my perspective and outlook on life into an even better view than before. I never thought I would change again, but it's coming and I hope this turns around, I've waited a long time and now I'm taking action, and I will try with everything I have to get some very important people back into my life. And I think you know who you couple people are.

As I look back;

As I look back on the old days. I really do miss them so much, like my old friends, I miss them incredibly, and as mean and rude they can get, I miss them alot and I kinda wish we were all still tight. But really though, I look back and I made some REALLY stupid desicions but I have to live with them. I have to live with the choices I made that at the time I thought was the right thing to do. All I'm saying is that I miss having you guys in my life, I miss talking to you and confiding in you when I was down, I miss all the fading memories and I miss all the people that once meant the world to me. & As I go to sleep tonight, I'll realize the mistakes I made.

Well, here goes Ten Honest Things.

So, let's see. Ten honest things:
1.) I'm not looking anymore, I'm just letting things fall into place.
2.) I'm rather procrastinative, is that even a word? Oh well, anyway, I've held off reading To Kill A Mockingbird for English this whole vacation.
3.) I'm not a good boyfriend, I admit, sometimes I cannot be faithful, at all.
4.) I used to have the biggest fear of being hurt, but now that I think about it, getting hurt over and over again is just going to make me stronger than I already am.
5.) I actually think toenails and fingernails are rather creepy if you ask me, if I just sit here and stare at them, I get really scared.
6.) I'm scared shitless of death, other might beg to differ but I myself am afraid to die because I have so much more t live for.
7.) I don't have a sexual orientation, I really don't, you can criticize me, whatever. I'm not bi, I'm not gay, I'm more straight than anything but sometimes I think I'd make out with a guy, but I wouldn't ever date one, that would be too weird.
8.) I'm SO conceited, you don't even know. It's kinda pathetic. I've changed alot since last year, like last year I was so incredibly insecure and shy. But now I've just broken out of my shell and I think alot of myself. I'm not afraid to say something to you, just putting that out there.
9.) I've actually learned that there's more to life than love, love is just a silly little asset now the way I think of it. There's so much more we can live for besdies falling in love.
10.) I talk about my feelings towards others, way more than I probably should. But that's okay. I open my mouth, alot, but ya know what? I'm not just gonna sit here and let some douchebag walk all over me, no, that's not happening. & Honestly, *cough* KING DOUCHEBAG *cough* if you think you can kick my ass, fucking hit me. I promise you'll regret it. I know how to make someones life hell, & I'm very good at the game, so let's play.

five

Tiffani brought to my attention that I haven't posted since November, so I thought I'd fill you in.

1)I'm over my past.
2)I've left some old friends behind.
3)I'm hurt...again.
4)I just made one of the most asshole moves I could've made.
5)Emily, she says I'm the strongest person she has ever met
but I just don't see it. & What I just did proves clearly I'm not.
6)I don't trust many people anymore.
7)Drama is at it's climax let's hope for the season.
8)I fell, kinda hard. & Yeah, it hurts now that it's over but oh well.
9)I have changed once again in the past couple months,
change seems to lways be on my agenda.
10)I'm done with everything and if you want me in your life,
you better be worthy of it and you'll have to prove to me you belong.




Now onto, other things I suppose;
Apparently I'm all of these things:
1.Anorexic
2.Gay
3.Ugly
4.Hot
5.Prep
6.Emo
7.Scene
8.Loner
9.Fake

Honestly, could we stop with the stereotypes for once in our lives?
Just once, it would be nice.



Five tonight, I don't wanna get back to this lifestyle but it's the only way I know how :/


Someone, help me.
Someone, save me.
Someone, someone, please, I'm drowning.