ahh screw it.

im not writing in this thing til i get back from ocean city during spring break,
so long for now sluts :)

FUCK!

Um, Seana has completely walked out of my liiife, like forever, I'm serious.
I'm kinda upset that she broke up with me because I wouldn't call her because I was working on graphics for Ocean Breeze?
Like that's just fucking stupid, but I guess I'm a liar, I guess I lied the whole time, I guess I fucked with her heart, I guess I was just a player, I guess someone told her something, and I guess I intend on finding out what the hell happened because as of right now I have no clue what just happened last night.

Blah Blah Blah

Same old boring town
Same old boring life
Same old boring routine
Same old boring friends
Same old boring enemies
Same old boring school
Same old boring family
Same old boring ; everything
I'm getting sick of it.
Bye now.

Are you bein' ferrizzle?!

wow
im quite mad!
so, last night
she sits there saying, "this kills but i have to say it, goodbye."
but theennnnnnnn....
today, she says she wants to be friends again
well that just sucks to be you now doesntt it
im not going back, im smarter than that
and i deserve better,
thats all for todayy.
laterrrrrrrrr.

Change?

I'm due for one.
& This change is going to be drastic, I can feel it.
It feels like my life going to make a complete turn around
and I will be as happy as can be and as for the past...
It never happened.

Lauren, Thank You

If you never put me through what you did last year
I don't even know what would be happening to me right now
It was probably the worst time of my life
But it taught me alot, and I thank you for that so much.
I move on so much faster, I get over things alot better.
I don't let shit get to me anymore, you've shaped me into my strong interior that I am today.
But, I have to stop writing now before I open my mouth about too much...

Readddddd.

Single again :D
Didn't go over very well though...
But I need to get my grades back up
I had to do what I to do, right?

This Is Important.

This is important that I don't let this take control over me.
I don't wanna go yet, I have so much more to live for,
I won't give up and I will be here to stay, talk the shit duecebags.
If you think I don't know every game in the book, try again.
Because I've played every one of them and I can guarantee I play better than you.

Update.

No update for today.
I went to Mayae's, hung out, went home.
Sat here, talked to Seana.
Nothing exciting at all.
Maybe tomorrow will be better.
I hope...

Well this is just a risk.

Alright, so I'm still thinking on this desicion,
And I'm pretty set straight forward on it,
Just people need to not be gay about it, iiight?
It would make my life SO much easier!
Anyway, so I was sitting in math today minding my own business and everything.
And all of a sudden Carl, yes, Carl with the glasses rat-tail and whatnot, has the fucking nerve to call ME ugly?!
Um, hell no, that's not goin' down I'm sorry there but you're the one that looks like a mother fucking gay ass dirtbag thank you.
Honestly, I almost punched him, and really, calling a CONCEITED person ugly, yeah it's not gonna work in your favor sorry duecebag.
And then I got home and told my Grandma, [aka "the man in your house", hahha, emma is the sheeeiiit] she goes, "Well I'm sure he feels bad about himself."
I'm like really?! He should, he's the uglest piece of shit I've ever seen besides Mr.PubeHair(:
So what, I've been talking alot lately, it's been a long time.
Annnnnyway, I'm finding myself in a more and more difficult situation as the more people I try bringing back.
I think my other friends feel threatened, pussies(:
They have no need/reason to even think that, idiots these days I tell ya.
Oh, and people need to NOT talk about Emily, especially, well you know who ;)
Fucking fat ass horse ferrrreal. She needs to shut the hell up and get over the fact that Emily is hotttter and she won't ever come clooose. Hahahahahahahaa, biiitch.
That's abouut it forrr today, peacccccce.

Here's how it's goin' doooown.

You have a problem with having other people back in my life?
Get the hell out because I'm not gonna go through this again.
End of storry, alright?
But ummm, today was rather smooth, until 6th period.
I got lectured about being "hurt" and "leaving" my new friends.
Oh shut the fuck up you needy douchebags, really.
If you really did care about me, you'd be supporting me not going against me.
Now peace bags of douche.

Another continuation on today

Well, I haven't really been this shy/nervous in such a long time.
I got over it, talked, opened up a little more than I probably should have.
Oh well, I'll deal with it, I don't think she'll stab me in the back, at least I hope.
Ummmm, let's seee.
My mother thinks I'm depressed, lmfao.
Whatever, she doesnt know shit about me.
Really though, I think someday my being so open will be the death of me.
I mean, look at what I told her today, am I really gonna start off trusting her that much?
Maybe I should make her earn my trust, maybe I should make everyone re-earn my trust.
My mistake, too bad. I trust people too easily, and that's kind of a good thing I guess.
But on the other hand I could easily be stabbed in the back.
But also, I can tell if you're fake and so therefore I really won't tell you much.
Today was fairly good actually, maybe I just needed my old friends back.
I think that's really all I've needed the past couple months.

Well then, I don't know?

I hate how I get shit for this
You know what, if you're really my friend, you would be supporting me.
I understand that you can use the past against me and everything tha happened
But that's just fucking stupid and immature, let go. If I learned to let go of my past, you need to too.
I'm not gonna put up with this again this year, I'm not gonna get to the point where you're gonna make me choose my friends or someone else ever again.
I won't get to that point, I refuse.
If you want me to stay in your life then you better find a way to keep me there orelse I'm gonna be gone, no, not out of this world.
Just away from a couple people's lives for quite some time.
So as for now, this is one desicion I'm gonna think over for a while, I'll do details later as always.

Continuing on...

Alright so this is the thing I don't want to hear ;
I don't wanna hear people giving me shit if me and Lauren start talking.
Really, if I do, clearly you're not a true friend because you would be supporting me or at least keeping your mouth shut.
So, this is how it's goin' down the next couple months...
I hear anything at all, such as your running your mouth, there will be a confrontation without a doubt.
I'm not gonna take it this winter, I won't take shit from anyone.
If you're one of my so called friends doing it, have fun with your life not having me in it.
Really though, I've changed, I know for a fact that it seems like I haven't because I'm not gonna take peoples shit.
I can control it, sometimes, but other times I just can't handle it and I freak out.
I really haven't been coping very well with stress and losing important people,
And I know I'm a strong person as I say every day of my life,
But like I said earlier, right now I'm breaking down and I don't know who to turn to if I need someone to lean on.
Last night, I got so much shit for just considering having her in my life again.
Everyone says I'm gonna get hurt again, but that's why I have feelings for her, right?
No, I don't, and I'm glad to say I'm over her and I don't think I will ever feel the same ever again.
I love how fucking stupid some of my friends can be, whatever, they're cool, NOT.
Gah, I'm getting sick of this shit, like really, I'm about done.
But as my good friend Tiffani told me today, "Zach, you've beaten this before"
And I believe I can do it again, if only I could just focus on the positive things, but in some situations, no matter how hard I try, I can't find the light in it.
Lately I have found myself in a shithole almost every night with no one to turn to but myself and really, I haven't been the strongest person recently.
I'm not proud of it, I always tell people to be strong, but how can I say that anymore if I can't even stay strong to my well being.
I'll solve this all tomorrow and fix what I did wrong last year.

I'm trying

I'm trying to stay strong
I'm trying to not let things take control over me
But lately I've just been breaking down
I mean, I guess it's kin of a good thing?
Maybe I'll learn more this way, but I'm sick of it.
Ya know, I look back on the reactions from my past, and really, I could've easily handled things so much better.
There's no reason I had to stop talking to those people, I chose to and it was a stupid desicion.
I'm trying to fix things, I'm just to nervous to talk to the person that caused me the most pain, I mean, we haven't talked in a year. Whatever, I'll post more later and get more into this whole thing.

Put the past away... yeah right.

Well, I'm trying to update this thing every day of my life. It helps get alot of my stress out. People might say to let the past go, well everyone knows I have, or at least you should. I mean, last winter, I was in a horrible situation. & I think we all know what that was so there's no need to explain. A couple months ago I couldn't have been happier with my life, but now I'm really starting to realize how much I miss the people that I have let walk out on me over the past year. Yeah, I admit I wasn't the best a friend could be at times, but at least I was honest. And really, I guess I just have to work up the courage to handle this and try fixing things with these people, I miss the way things used to be, and I accept that just the way it is, but I miss them so much, I have to fix my mistakes, and I'll do this all on my own, I don't need support. And I believe that I can do this on my own, I can live te rest of my life on my own without needing anyone to lean on. I might breakdown every once in a while and think that I've got it rough, but then I look at it from a different perspective and I know that I don't so bad as others do. But really, breaking down every once in a while is just making me a stronger person than I already am, I'm proud of the person I'm becoming because I'm changing my perspective and outlook on life into an even better view than before. I never thought I would change again, but it's coming and I hope this turns around, I've waited a long time and now I'm taking action, and I will try with everything I have to get some very important people back into my life. And I think you know who you couple people are.